Monday, 17 March 2014

It Stopped.

It stopped! In time for my birthday! I have never gone to the coast and eaten an ice cream on my birthday ever before... nor has my birthday ever been described as the hottest day of the year. I went to Padstow - see below.


Meanwhile, I am not feeling very well. Too much ice-cream? Too much sun?? Or maybe it's the realisation that I am now a lady of a certain age???? And that next year it will be a very BIG birthday.

In recent times I appear to have fallen off the internet; I still lurk to see what my old blogging buddies and Facebook friends are doing, but I feel quiet and haven't got a lot to say for myself. I don't even feel the desire to slap up any posts on my calligraphy blog even though I have been busy working on stuff for a friend... maybe this is the problem - my brain has been engaged with work... crikey... after years of being a lazy baggage I have finally hit upon the joys of work. And in the evenings, I am tired. I stop. And sometimes I look at my old Blogrol and this advert springs to mind....



I hope this is the right advert, as I haven't got any sound on my PC...

Anyhow, for the time being, I feel buggy and I feel odd. And, if anyone wants to know - I haven't seen any stray aeroplanes... and no, I don't know what's going to happen in Crimea, but it's all very worrying.

Thursday, 13 February 2014

MAKE IT STOP!!!!!

....I am referring to the weather. It is getting a bit silly now, and not only in the UK. It is silly in parts of Europe and very silly in the US - so I've been reliably informed. Enough is enough!! I am very distracted by the weather at the minute and have become slightly obsessed.

Meanwhile, here is the promised view of Dartmoor from my dining room/studio:-



Click to make big! This was taken a couple of weeks ago in a rare sunny minute. Dartmoor is actually quite a way away to the south... I am lucky to be high up and away from the flood waters... although there is localised flooding.

In other news, I was quite cheered up when I stumbled across this:- a nice bottle of perfume with a lovely label.
I am very chuffed by this! I was asked by a designer to write some words... and then the word 'Freesia' wot I wrote in calligraphy turned up here!!! Seriously chuffed... and all down to the power of blogging!! I think this bottle of perfume would make a lovely Valentine's present.

Admittedly, I have been spending more time perusing Facebook than blogs recently - shame on me - But, through the power of Facebook I have discovered the following things about myself:-

a) That I am middle-lower-middle class, like David Brent from The Office.

b) That if I were a sex toy then I would be a pair of handcuffs. (Should that be 'were' or 'was'?)

c) That if I were a 90's Alt-Rock Girl then I would be Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth.

d) That if I were in a musical then I would be in Cabaret.

e) That I belong in the 1920's.

f) That I'm not Scottish.

e) That I am as British as Stephen Fry walking a corgi outside Buckingham Palace.

f) That if I were in Friends, I would be part Rachel and part Monica.

g) That if I were a philosopher I would be Sartre/Camus.

h) That I am 36% POSH.

i) That I am 74% Essex.

j) That I am 5% Northern.

k) That I am hated by The Daily Mail.

l) That I have wasted a fair bit of time doing Facebook quizzes.

Of course, it's all startlingly true.



Sunday, 19 January 2014

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

Yes, I am late with my happy wishes, and many of you have started the New Year without me, but I have only just found the cable to connect this PC to the internet. This is because I moved on the 19th December, in betwixt the rain and damnation. Christmas didn't happen. I ignored it. I bought only two presents. I didn't overeat, but I enjoyed the Christmas telly. Wonderful, I might ignore Christmas more often. Other joyous news is that one month on, as well as finding the connection cable I also found the kitchen scissors, and yesterday, I bought a cutlery organiser - finally, everything is right with the world. My spatula is no longer mingling with the knives and forks; my cookie cutters are no longer having a meaningful relationship with the bread knife and my potato peeler is no longer carrying on beneath the tea spoons; they now know their place.
After four years of renting I can now unpack stuff that has been stored away and I can now hammer nails into the walls and hang pictures. It is thrilling. AND, instead of buying a rickety old shed masquerading as a cutesy cottage in the overpopulated South East, I have finally bought a proper house in the underpopulated South West. There are windows that open properly, there is plumbing that works, there is double glazing!!!! There is enough space to swing all manner of things.... and there is this glorious floor in the hallway.... It may be grubby at the minute, but it is my floor, not a floor belonging to a landlord, and the only admonishments I have to worry about are the ones from Mr Files.


PLUS... I have almost cut my living costs in half by not having to pay bonkers rent. I am looking forward to decorating in the Spring [if we have one this year], although I like the decor here, it does need freshening up... and, well, it never feels quite like home until there have been a few Dulux mishaps..... and did I mention the far reaching views to the south featuring the Dartmoor tors and a few cows? I have tried to take a picture of the view but the sun is too bright this morning. I will try another day.

So far I like it here.

Monday, 9 December 2013

Christmas Postcard

Do you remember the postcard I sent you on 11th July 2009? In case it has slipped your memory here is a reminder:-


This fine fellow posed for me in St Ives, Cornwall, in 2009. I usually go to St Ives at least once a year and every year I have tried to return to the exact same spot to photograph the exact same seagull. I missed him in 2010, but here he is in 2011:-


And again in 2012:-


I did visit this exact same spot in 2013... but alas, Mr Seagull was nowhere to be seen... I was distraught, close to despair. To console myself I wandered into this shop and bought some fine wine to wash away my sorrows:-


Anyhow, I will try to locate Mr Seagull in 2014. So that I can send another postcard. I am sure he is fine... simply away somewhere feasting on chips and ketchup.


Meanwhile, this might be my last post before Christmas as I am packing up my house in preparation for moving on Thursday 19th December... because of this I am not yet really in the Christmas mood and haven't yet bought any Christmas cards... hence the genius idea of bunging up some old postcards.

Well, I am off then... closer to Cornwall... closer to Mr Seagull... see you on the other side of my move....

Oh! Before I go, Mr Beastie is also moving and packing up his house, but we are not moving in together.... no, seriously, WE ARE NOT moving in together. That would be silly. But it has been nice to have a moving buddy to chat with regarding all the highs and lows of the moving experience.

And lastly, my 2008 Visitors' Book is now complete. It contains a list of everyone who visited the Scarlet Blue archive blog in 2008 and their first ever comment. I will be starting on 2009 in the New Year.

Happy Christmas!!

Sxxxx

Friday, 6 December 2013

For MJ.... Missing in Action

Originally posted in the Scarlet Blue Archive on Saturday 5th February 2011 as part of my in depth Tarot card reading series. MJ has recently vanished from our screens. Rare appearances have occurred, but we miss her.

This is the third in a series of eagerly awaited and incredibly popular Tarot reading posts.


Legal Niceties:

Please remember that these readings are for fun and entertainment purposes only etc, etc... It is also worth noting that your home is at risk if you do not keep up repayments on a mortgage etc, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah...



As promised, this reading is for Mistress MJ and it promises to be something a bit special.

Before choosing her cards, I must first engage with her avatar... apologies MJ, this may make you sneeze...





Right, deep breath, here we go...



PAST: I will gloss over the various baking incidents, generally you are a gentle individual who is kind to old ladies and you have a fascination with squirrels. One unfortunate incident with an over filled icing bag should not be held against you; okay, so it may have taken your Aunt 3 hours to explain the situation to the arresting officer, and five hours for the surgeon to remove the nozzle from a sensitive region, but never mind, these things happen.





And let's face it, you redeemed yourself when you started knitting sweaters for penguins.

Instead I will focus on the strong images that the cards are giving me.

I see a man. Actually I see lots of men, most of them are senior and they are nekkid. But there is one man who stands out from the rest.



??????


I see a dark haired man in a position of authority. He has been a highly influential figure in your life. He is connected to you being stunningly successful in your career... I see glamour... I see the Canadian curling team.... I see chocolate hob-nobs... I see nekkid old men again.... Anyhow... at some point in your past you learnt a harsh lesson, which was not to put ambition before your own emotional needs.



PRESENT: A huge dollop of luck is making itself manifest. Quite frankly, right now you can do no wrong and you are benefiting from being generous to others. You are now in a very harmonious place in your life.





But this harmony has been found through struggle and perhaps there has been a loss?





Future: Steady yourself for conflict...





...in love perhaps. Your inner instincts must be handled firmly, but they must not be ignored or repressed. Out of this conflict you will emerge stronger. But this could also mean that you are in pursuit of a love object... someone has something that you believe belongs to somebody else. I can see you battling through a jungle of tropical delights; being thrown into confusion by a funhouse mirror and almost being thwarted by a gathered thong [boil washed and very grey]. I see you on a roadtrip....





...teaming up with a very attractive blonde lady and together you will reclaim what rightfully belongs to me her....



I am exhausted and the visions are fading....

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

Let's Feel Good



It is official, the girls from Boots are no longer coming. They are no longer expected to flock together to single handedly produce Christmas from their stockings. They can relax in comfort wearing 367 hr deodorant and winged padded pants, leaving all Christmas preparation to young teenage Nick. Thankfully Boots have seen the error of their marketing ways, they have rescinded their 'girls only' policy and have finally flung their doors open to boys. Not men. Not yet. To be fair I think Boots have a point, I feel it might be a challenge to motivate fully grown men, after a lifetime of Xmas incapacity, into doing their own Christmas shopping. Boots are correct, the best idea is to catch men of the male persuasion at an early age, while they are still malleable enough to be taught how to take on the mantle of Christmas responsibility. The role model Boots have chosen is the charming young Nick, who is seen racing up April's Street, eager to deliver his sack load of goodies, and he does this all on foot, on his own, without any help from Rudolph the red nosed Rayleigh Bike, or even a stray green elf. Or his mum. We all hope that he is indeed a saint in the making. We all hope that Nick will grow up socially adept; gain a good maths degree; set up a direct debit to Macmillan Cancer Support; marry the lovely April [fittest girl in year 10]; generally have a lovely life and buy bigger presents. But, of course, this is the stuff of Christmas dreams - the time of year to believe that we are cuddly and snuggly and that all wrongs can righted with the purchase of perfumes and electrical goods. This is the season of goodwill and for not swearing at those who steal the last seat on the train when we are overburdened with shopping bags; this is the season for being able to cut someone up on the roundabout and not be threatened with a baseball bat; this is the season when we want to believe that we all love each other really.
Sadly, the most likely outcome is that come January 1st, our lovely young Nick [now skint and 2 stone heavier thanks to festive feasting] will be found auditioning for a part in the new Wonga advert, offering loans at 5853% APR to people who invested too deeply into the heavily televised orgy of Santa fuelled fantasy. People who simply wanted to feel a warm fuzzy glow will now be feeling the heat from a different sort of Nick.... from Saint Nick to Old Nick without leaving the sofa or changing the Chanel.
Now doesn't that make you feel good?

Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Home Sweet Home

I have been somewhat unsettled of late, so unsettled that I have popped up HERE, HERE and now HERE AGAIN. I am behaving like the proverbial wandering jew, not really knowing where I'm going to pop up next. I have decided to come home, because this blog feels like home... even though, strictly speaking, this isn't my original blog, which is HERE - those at the back clicking furiously through bizarely similar looking blogs PLEASE KEEP UP. I have created something of a blog maze and I aim to clear up this mess by forcing myself to stay on this blog. It is my New Year's resolution; I know we haven't done Christmas yet, but I am a forward planner. Any calligraphy I do will go on Wonky Words. I think all my moving around is simply a reflection of what is going on in my life; I am always moving house, and I'm about to do it again hence why I've been a little stressed and humourless lately. Mr Flies has, in some respects, gripped me by the shoulders and given me a bloody good shake and woken me from my gloomy stupor.

There is something I've wanted to do on this blog for a very long time, and that is to create a Visitors' Book, a simple record of everyone who has ever graced the comment box on this blog or the old archive blog. It will most likely be their name; the date of their first [and perhaps last] comment; a note indicating whether they are still blogging, and if not, whether they can be found elsewhere i.e. Facebook; and maybe one of their old comments. I think this would be a nice thing to do. I set about looking up my dusty annuls the other day, it was a revelation, and I wondered if other bloggers ever read their old posts and comments?

This is an extract from one of my old posts a few months before I started getting comments:-

Not only is the house flying . . . but it's eating flesh as well . . . I had this stupid vision in my head all day yesterday. I wonder why?

I think I'm busy, so have a good day and beware low flying flesh eating bungalows . . .



I remember writing this and being in a fit of giggles... and now I am indeed wondering why? There are far worse extracts I could have used than this one... apparently I used to have a brother... I'm wondering what happened to him? I shall have to reintroduce him at some point, he sounded fun. That's the one thing I've learnt about blogging and that is that it pays to be consistent.

Here's to a settled New Year [even if New Year is starting early!]

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

In the Bleak Mid May...

It is May. It is bleak. Here are a couple of things to cheer me up.

Firstly, THE FREAKIN' GREEN ELF SHORTS COMPETITION!!!!! Yes, they're back!!! And they could be yours!!! All you have to do is leave a caption on Mr Devine's post - imagine, you too could one day feel the soft silky texture of the FGES clinging to your buttocks, trust me, it's a magical experience that will haunt bring joy to you for the rest of your life.


Secondly, the last episode of Endeavour on ITV featured a rather talented young lady called Rachel Darcy, not only does she sing rather well, but she also plays the Ukulele. Here is a clip from Youtube and also a link to her Facebook page.



And on Facebook where you can listen to her latest music.

Thirdly, a confession....



I hardly ever buy Fairy... because when I run out of my favourite washing up liquid, I do what all these lovely ladies in this advert do, I pay a blonde haired little girl to nick a couple of bottles from Tesco's. Never ask a blonde haired little boy to do this... he will only come back with something silly... like a tin of Heinz Beans, or he'll stuff a Dairylea Triangle down his trousers, which will cause unsightly stains, meaning you will have to pay the blonde haired little girl extra money to nick a box of of Fairy Liquitabs.

Lastly, I am very busy. One day I will share my busyness. One day I will blog properly again.

Monday, 29 April 2013

An Award!!!

An award from the very lovely Savvy! To accept it I simply have to answer four questions and then nominate several bloggers who've recently inspired/moved/touched me.

1. If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?

I would like access to time travel... or time lurking, to be more precise. It's not that I wish to alter time, but I'd like to go back just to revisit old memories in a 'real' way. 


2. If you could repeat any age which would it be?

This is why access to time lurking would be useful... I don't want to relive the whole of my nineteenth year... just the parties... and the fun bits.... I don't want to relive commuting into London... or the time I walked into a parking meter.

3. What really scares you?

THIS really scares me.... cos I was only sort of joking about the time lurking... and this sort of Total Recall e-memory mapping palaver may one day make my time lurking fantasy a reality. Plus, I read THIS recently as well... so I am sort of very scared about all these technological bits and pieces that I don't really understand.


4. If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be?

I would be George Osbourne for the day and I would resign and then I would sign him up for a one way ticket to Mars.

I now have to nominate a few bloggers for this award... you don't have to do this if you don't want to, obvs, but... maybe Wendy, Joey, and Mr Mags might like to have a go? And Dinah, perhaps?? Maybe Z and Tim and Zig....

Yes, I am just name dropping :-)

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

FontsUFancy

I apologise for abandoning my calligraphy blog, but I have been otherwise engaged with my thrilling new project - FontsUfancy - soon to be launched on a URL near you. I have discovered that writing over fonts is the way forward for my calligraphy... it is a lot easier and means that I no longer have to waste precious time ruling up cards and paper - time which is now better spent watching Real Desperate Housewives or that fab Noel Edmonds on Deal or No Deal. This is my first FontsUfancy experiment:-


writing-over-fonts
This is not Calligraphy.... this is FontsUFancy Calligraphy...


Over the last few weeks I have been downloading as many fonts I can find on the internet, meaning that I now have an extensive font library for my wedding calligraphy clients to choose from, initial market research has proved positive [Mum and Auntie Violet think it's a good idea]. Handwritten envelopes are now a breeze to produce, I no longer have to worry about wonky 'a's' or terrible word spacing, and I can still charge £3.50 a pop.
Obviously I have needed help to get FontsUfancy up and running. My niece Charmaine has helpfully offered to work the printer, she is a resourceful young girl and is doing this with just one digit on her left hand leaving herself free to update Facebook with her right. Her BFF, Krystella, who is predicted to get a GCSE grade C in art this summer, is colouring in the lightly printed fonts using a blend of watercolour paint and felt-tips, when she tires of this I have granted her permission to play merry with the crayons. It will look fashionably arty and I doubt anyone will be any the wiser. Terrance [age 14 - only three inexplicable stains on his hoodie] is on loan from Carol next door, and has kindly offered to work the Twitter feed; he has had more success with this since I pointed out that the word is 'awesome' NOT 'whoresome', it is not his fault that he has a speech impediment and that he was taught to spell phonetically, nevertheless he has promised me 14,000 new followers by tomorrow teatime due to his flourishing relationship with party planner @Pamsbigfavours, and networking queen @100wayswithchaircovers - both have promised to feature FontsUfancy on their widely read blogs [300,000 new readers every hour according to their stats].
Meanwhile, Dave from down the pub is in charge of web design and copy; I have suggested that words and phrases such as 'professional', 'experienced', 'gorgeous yet affordable', be liberally used throughout... possibly in every other sentence, just to punch home just how experienced, professional, gorgeous yet affordable FontsUfancy really is in comparison to its competitors.

This may well be the end for Scarlet Blue Calligraphy, but please wish me well with this exciting new venture - should be all systems go by late April!!

First published on Scarlet Blue Calligraphy 07/03/2013