Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Whatever Happened to Baby Scarlet....?

 ...or Shrek... no matter, there has been a terrible, terrible incident... whilst driving Mr Beastie home from his washing up duties at Cafe C, I stopped and instructed him to get out of the car to open the palatial gates to the manor house where we both reside [he in the cellar and me in the penthouse apartment - there is no funny business going on here]... and lo... tragedy struck! I accidentally put my foot on the accelerator instead of the brake...  and I ran him over. I reversed... then shot forward... reversed... shot forward... etc, etc, you get the picture....  Poor Mr Beastie now has a lightly sprained wrist and will have to spend the rest of his days in a wheelchair.... and much, much worse than this is that Mr Beastie was clutching Mr C's Golden Pussy to his bosom in a protective manner at the time of the accident and now the ornamental statue is in bits and pieces all over our gravel driveway. I have tried superglue, but Mr Beastie still can't wiggle his fingers.


Other news: I am having a lot of bother commenting on blogs with embedded comment boxes, so apologies if I have failed to hack my way into your box. I think this is a glitch on my pc rather than anything to do with Blogger.

Any more news? Teeth woes ongoing... erm... World financial meltdown.... Global unrest.... no, can't say there's anything new....

49 comments:

  1. YIKES!!! and yikes again, sugar! xoxoxoxo

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  2. I had my suspicions that you tipped the velvet doll face, but the fact that you canna drive came as no great surprise.

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  3. I wouldn't dream of making any comments about lady drivers, lest you try to enter my box junction before the exit is clear.

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  4. The lawyers are going to love this one... And that explains Mr Beastie's absence... You have been keeping him in your cellar and removed his access to blogger....

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  5. MR. BEASTIE: "You wouldn't be able to do these awful things to me if I weren't still in this chair."

    MISS SCARLET: "But you ARE, Mr. Beastie! You ARE in that chair!"

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  6. A freak accident!

    More news? Hmm. I've had a cat drain me of my savings in a "friendly" game of cards, I've changed my hair color and all anyone says is "Hmm. Changed your hair color, have you?" and I can't seem to suck in my gut to my satisfaction.

    Nope. Nothing new here.

    Pearl

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  7. Your looking a bit pasty Miss Scarlet. It must be the terrrible burden of guilt detailed at Beastbites :-(

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  8. Mr Beastie's version is slightly different to yours Miss Scarlet

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  9. That's quite a complicated way to ensnare a man Scarls but I can see the advantage of always knowing where he is.

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  10. Savvy: Indeed, and plenty more shrieking.

    Mr Jimmy: Tsk, what with the recession and all, I have abandoned all forms of tipping and am making do with a nice cup of tea and a fig roll every other Tuesday.
    But you are correct about the driving.

    Dave: There is nothing worse than a conjested box junction... well nothing apart from a blocked back passage.

    Princess: I have relented. I have issued him with a new password.

    MJ: I don't want to talk about it! Everytime I think about something nice, you remind me of bad things. I only want to talk about the nice things.

    Mr Lax: No. There is a huge dent in the bonnet where Mr C's pussy sat on it.

    Pearl: Corsets!!! Mr Beastie shall advise you, he is an expert.

    Mr Beastie: I have read. I still reeling from the shock of having all my secrets revealed... especially the cow-pat juggling.

    Miss Nurse: Indeed! But I will be a star once more, since Mr Beastie's revelations I have been asked to be the cover girl for a leading magazine. None of your top shelf smut I may add, but a respectable, widely read journal. Yes, I am to be the new face of Farmer's Weekly.

    Lulu: It's the only way to recruit good staff.

    Sx

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  11. why don'tcha go write a letter to daddy?

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  12. Mr Mags: Not again!

    Ms Norma: I shall go find the Youtube....

    Sx

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  13. Scarls - they got more dialogue on tape....

    "Mr Beastie, you aren't ever gonna sell this house... and you aren't ever gonna leave it... either. "

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  14. Next time you go out driving do what I do Scarlet and draw a little diagram on a "post it note" showing the position of the handbrake and gearstick. Stick three "post it notes" to the dashboard inline with the pedals and write a big letter C for clutch, B for brake and A for accelerator. This will save time looking for them when the lights go green.

    What about the lootings in London? I was hoping they'd be copycat lootings in Beverley today when I visited, but no such joy.

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  15. Nothing new? Well, other than a wee bit of aggro on the streets of London, Birmingham, Manchester, Bristol etc etc. Just to be on the safe side, make sure you go home via Chipping Norton.

    An ornamental statue is no loss. Unless you rely on it to cosh unsuspecting burglars.

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  16. Don't worry,
    The police are armless and even without the capability to power-hose you down. No need to bite them. But if your car needs repearing the repair shops may be a bit busy at the moment.

    W

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  17. Thank you for breaking through the defences of my box not once, but twice. I am indebted to you. x

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  18. where do I subscribe to Farmers Journal?

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  19. I was reading a copy of it in my doctor's surgery yesterday. I looked on page 3, but there was no picture of you.

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  20. Macy: So long as they haven't filmed Mr Beastie happily ambling around Tesco's. I don't want our benefits cut.

    Mitzi: I have stuck a sign in my rear window saying: Blonde on Board.
    I tried to go one better with the post-it note method, but it is difficult to get a good grip of the gear stick when it is covered with sticky notes...
    Ah, the looting... did you see them in Boots, where the shelves were cleared of Imodium and support tights? I reckon the pensioners have masterminded all of this.

    Nick: I believe the riots came under the header of: Global unrest?
    Anyhow, calm down and stiffen your lip. Tough times need a cool mind.

    Sx [Going for a fag...]

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  21. Wendy: It's the armless against the legless...

    Happyfrog: Many apologies! After watching the News I can fully appreciate your post about boys!

    Ms Nurse: I will send you a copy! Not only am I on the cover with my arms draped casually around a proud bullock but I am also the centrefold reclining in an artful pose on a Quicke Front End Loader.

    Dave: Were the pages stuck together?

    Sx

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  22. Did you mean a Quickie Front End Loader?

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  23. PS my envelope still hasn't arrived.

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  24. Dave: I'll have you know that Quicke doesn't compromise on quality and is a leading brand of farm machinery, not to be confused with Quickes, who make a hard goats cheese.

    Sx

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  25. Dave: You will recieve your envelope at Christmas.
    Sx

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  26. I shall pop over to Mr Beastie's to see if I can make sense of it all.
    Y'see embedded comment box is double dutch to me. I must say I am not fond of the ones where you have to jump over every possible hurdle before leaving a comment or where there are 50,000 followers to appear before you can start to read the post. But I'm just jealous.

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  27. Pat: Having 50,000 followers must be a bit of an ego warmer... but also a little exhausting being chased by so many!
    Sx

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  28. Hallo Scarlet dear. Don't worry about the driving error - on the Mille Miglia, whilst changing the Maserati's front wheels, I once released the front jack too soon causing the car to drop on to the Chief Mechanic. But it didn't matter as mechanics spend a lot of time on their backs on the floor - having no legs doesn't really inconvenience them.

    I am more worried about you hacking into people's boxes. I resolutely defend my box and let no-one into it without prior invitation.

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  29. Indeed, stiff upper lip, that's the ticket. Just a bit of youthful exuberance, what? No need to get hot under the collar. Where's me whisky?

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  30. I have tried superglue, but Mr Beastie still can't wiggle his fingers.
    Wow, you have found some that works....

    I am having a lot of bother commenting on blogs with embedded comment boxes,
    Word moderation is an infringement on freedom of speech - Like a true Scotsman you should Liberate yourself and let your blogs hang free…

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  31. I remember the good old days, when we had a Friday Flush here every week.

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  32. Ms Jessop: You are a wise woman and I found your box to be open wide and welcoming.

    Nick: I believe the British weather has calmed the current atmosphere. As it always does.

    Mr Clogs: Hello and Welcome!!!
    Please do not upset Mr Word Verification Code, he is the bane of my life.

    Mr WV: Indeed.

    Dave: I apologise, but I am feeling tired and anti-social.

    Sx

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  33. I am very much in favour of metal trophies and ornaments as, when damaged, they can always be welded, or brazed, or soldered together. As the old Lithuanian proverb says, "From the earth comes the material, but from the fire comes strength."

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  34. Ms Alice: Hello and Welcome!!!
    Ah... you will be able to do something about the mamouth size dent in the car bonnet then?
    Very good!
    Sx

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  35. I would like to recommend No More Nails for a broken pussy, it worked for me after a similar incident with my gear knob.

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  36. At Least,In A Wheelchair, Mr B. Will Be More Visible On The Road!

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  37. I think it's about time we had a whip-round to repair the pussy. I believe the surgery's quite cheap these days.

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  38. Kerry: It's true! Gear sticks do not like nails... always best to use the softer approach.

    Tony: He will be high-viz after I wrapped him in hazard warning tape as well. Better safe than sorry.

    Nick: We are going with Kerry's suggestion of No More Nails... hopefully we won't end up in a right sticky mess.

    Sx

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  39. What is going on here? According to the heading, you posted this at 4 pm this afternoon. Yert here I am in the morning. Worse, 40-odd people commented on the post last August.

    Have I fallen through a wormhole in space?

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  40. Eh? Why has this post from August suddenly reappeared? Is this National Recycling Week?

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  41. Aha, found your blog. One of my missing favourites. Glad to have found it again.

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  42. Dicky:!!! You are back!!! And hopefully no longer worried?

    Nick, Mr Mags, Dave: Yes, I am in a filthy mood and things tend to move around and change colour when I am in a filthy mood. But I am pleased that somebody has noticed.
    I have several obstacles to blogging at present:-
    1) No internet connection in my house.
    2) Work.
    3) Bungalow hunting [and we all know how time consuming this can be]
    4) Wisdom tooth extraction recovery. This has taken me by surprise. I am not used to feeling this wiped out, but everyone keeps telling me that it is normal. I am feeling a little better today though. I am sleeping quite a bit.
    Anyhow please remind me when it's Christmas, I don't want to miss it.

    Sxxxx

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  43. Oh dear. I looked in my crystal ball and I see a huge and immediate improvement in your life situation, as Jupiter is clearly aligned with Uranus, and the Milky Way is coming into alignment with the Twix.

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  44. Christmas is the 25th December this year young lady. It's a Sunday, so I expect to see you in church.

    xx

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  45. Nick: Nothing like Mars betwixt Uranus and a silvery moon for a startling view.

    Mr David: Well, now that's a curious idea!!!

    Sx

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