Saturday, 15 October 2011

Blog Revelations - REVEALED!!!!!

Oh for pity's sake, Jimmy is not Mapstew, Mapstew is not Jimmy. Daphne Wayne-Bough IS an incredibly posh lady from Kensington who pretends to live in Belgium. Gorilla Bananas IS really a panda. Scarlet Blue IS not ginger. Madame Defarge IS a florist in Iceland - no, not that Iceland - I mean the one in the shopping mall in Nork Rise, Surrey. Mrs Pouncer DOES live in a flat above a chip shop... but not in Reading... it's in BASILDON. Dave East IS Benny Hill's younger brother - which explains a lot, I think. Ponita IS Canadian. And a nurse. Macy IS Scottish. MJ DOES like young men with clothes on. Mr Beastie isn't actually that keen on bananas, but can do tricks with a cucumber and a wet flannel. Roger Peacock IS Ian McShane. Mr Scurrilous IS scurrilous. Pearl IS a pearl. Mr LX DOES have large candy. Mr Mags DOES have a large brain, although in a foreign language. Roses only drinks tea and her dressing gown is baby blue AND it is not fluffy. Princess IS an excellent seamstress and finally, Pat DOES have a lovely new sofa.

Of course, I may have got some of this wrong, but really, does any of this matter? Just so long as we  can exchange comment over a cup of tea and a biscuit, does it matter?

I doubt anyone is reading this blog anymore, but here's a tune to relieve me of my headache just in case there is.

78 comments:

  1. It says it on the internet now, so every word of it must be true.

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  2. A cup of coffee and no biscuit in my case, but I don't want to appear to be pedantic or cause a radical situation.

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  3. Yay! Scarlet IS still blogging. Just yesterday I combed through my reader in case I'd got the URL all cock-eyed (no, not sexy eyes!)
    Anyway, I'm pleased the URL is not muddled and I shall pop out to my kitchen and have a drink for you. It's Happy Hour down here.Bubbly OK for you?

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  4. Dave Hill was for some time a glam rock guitarist who played with Noddy Holder and his brother Willy in Slade

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  5. How dare you!!! I shall sue. I suppose next thing you'll be saying is that the Pope is a secret Buddhist and bears use public toilets. You will be hearing from my solicitors Messrs Farter Cluck forthwith.

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  6. *waves at Ms Scarlet*

    I do! Hugs to you.
    xx

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  7. I DON'T believe the bit about MJ is accurate.

    I CAN'T view the video from Germany. Is it naughty?

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  8. Ha! I forgot I had comment mod on!!! Dozy mare.

    Dave: ...but you are Dave Hill... please see Rog's comment for further revelation.

    Mr Scurrilous: YOU WILL DUNK A BISCUIT NOW!!! Or this blog will implode in 10 seconds.

    Dinah: I am trying to blog. I am doing my best... but all these recent revelations have quite underwhelmed me.

    Rog: YES! This explains why Dave now disguises himself with a beard. So Dave used to play with Willy, did he? Interesting. I will have to update my revelations.

    Daphne: Apologies, Lady Daphne, but the truth is out there.... somewhere... maybe it's hiding under the bed?

    Roses: Hugs to you, Miss Roses... and I must say that the blue does suit you.

    Mr LX: Yeah... I know, the bit about MJ is SHOCKING!
    It's Parklife, by Blur.... I thought it fitting.

    SXXXXXX

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  9. And furthermore, I am appalled to realize that this is the FIRST TIME I have ever seen this video clip and had no idea the narrator was the admirable Phil Daniels. My only possible defence is that I was in the tropics for the first half of 1994, and never could tell the difference between BLUR and PULP anyway.

    Dave Hill was indeed the gormless one out of Slade.

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  10. I think you'll find that my flower arranging days are long behind me. I now hand out bits of lucky whit heather to passing tourists in Croydon.

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  11. I'm reliably informed by an ex-News of the World journalist with a few special sources that none of your blogmates are who they say they are. In fact most of them are old age pensioners in Wigan peering hazily at their computer screens and typing laboriously with arthritic fingers.

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  12. What can I ever say without my beloved "like" button??

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  13. I would like to state quite categorically that I am Camilla Jessop.

    It is nice to have you back my dear, and to see that you have resisted the descent into vulgarity and lewdness that afflicts so many bloggers.

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  14. Darn! You're sure a feisty little kitten!

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  15. I can't deny the sofa.
    Who can remember the name of the film where Phil Danisls was in the nuddy in the bath - something like 'Impetigo.'?

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  16. yes, hmm. Right.
    Cup of tea?
    Anyone?

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  17. Gosh, glad I wasn't revealed as not living in a plastic toy house... Doh!

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  18. Fuckit!

    It's a bastard when someone 'outs' you as NOT being someone else!

    Two sugars, no milk! :¬)

    xxx

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  19. Daphne: Well, I imagine that you live a sheltered life in Kensington Palace, it's the only explanation for not knowing that Phil Daniels featured on this track. I've seen him do it live. True!

    Madame Defarge: But you used to do such amazing things with nothing more than a bunch of daffs and a daisy. Croyden? I will update my extensive blogging files immediately.

    Nick: The same journalist has also passed this information on to me... and also a little titbit about your good self. I will say nothing about the boating incident in Boscastle involving a page three girl and a Dyson crevice attachment [a well used crevice attachment at that]. Well, I will say nothing unless I have nothing to blog about next Saturday... BUT, I am setting up a Paypal account soon....

    Leah: I know! I am also a little lost without the 'Like' button.

    Ms Jessop: Of course you are Camilla Jessop. And I can assure you that this blog will always refrain from lewdness... and the greedy consumption of cream horns in back passages.

    Mr Cletus: Hello and Welcome!!!
    I have now opened a blogging file on you, so far it reads: Cletus has the potential to be an insightful and sensitive blogger. Possibly owns a labrador.

    Pat: According to Wikipedia, Impetigo is a highly contagious bacterial skin infection most common among pre-school children.
    But I'm sure that if Phil read the script he would love to be in it. After all, he did star in Quadrophenia... which also sounds contagious.

    Mr Kevin: I have a packet of chocolate digestives by my side and the kettle is boiling!

    Wendy: You may feature in another episode of revelations... something abot an extensive hat collection....?
    And did anybody else ever watch Revelations? The ITV mini series about a religious family... or was it just me who sat watching it with total bemusement woundering if I was actually tripping on acid.
    Good grief, it was created by Russell T Davies!!! Now that is a revelation... just goes to show that we are all fallible.

    Mr Chairman: Not again!

    Sxxxxx

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  20. abot? woundering????

    Spellinges... I meant 'about' and 'wondering'.
    Sx

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  21. talk about revelations, sugar! who knew? xoxoxoxox

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  22. Mr Maps: Apologies... you crept in there whilst I was pontificating about my spelliges.
    Don't worry... next week I will try to out you as David Cameron. I am already gathering the evidence I need. You can't fool me with your Irish lilt... you have Eton education oozing from every pore of your blog site.

    Sx

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  23. Savvy: Would you like to be Samantha Cameron? It's possible... we could make it happen.

    Sx

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  24. Right!... Where's you latest Bog report? I'm busting...

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  25. Princess: Damn it... I see what's happened here now... oops... I was supposed to write a bog report... not a blog report... oh dear... this is what happens when I don't read my notes properly...

    Sx

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  26. Percy Wieper: Hello and Welcome!!!
    I have now opened a blog file on you, so far it reads: Percy Wieper, of German origin, could get through a lot of tissues.

    Mr Affer: So am I! I am also Joan Collins during the week and Lulu at the weekend [I always wanted to appear on Strictly Come Dancing].

    Sx

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  27. Dave: Would you like to be Joan Collins as well?

    Sx

    Enough now... I am going to watch the telly and then do a blogging round. I may be in disguise, typing gentle comments whilst wearing leather slippers.

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  28. Dear Ms Pat (and Scarlet),

    Phil Daniels was naked in the bath in Quadrophenia. He looked very sweet, if a little bit too hairy for my liking.

    It was a cast iron bath - they are very difficult to repair if broken. They can't be welded but it is possible to braze them although the enamelling is obviously ruined.

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  29. Well this is all an unexpected development....it's not a bad dream is it?
    Dave's not in your shower is he?

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  30. The boating incident in Boscastle? Goodness, how did he uncover that, the little devil? For the record, I must deny strenuously it was some vulgar page 3 non-entity. It was in fact a very well-known actress with a stratospheric IQ. I can supply photos if the price is right.

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  31. I knew some of this..Daffers is very posh, MJ is quite shy, and Beastie has an inordinate affection for wet flannel and Scurrilous Vicuna is an incorrigible tease...
    but I refuse to believe that our favorite prohibitionist and temperance movement leader Roses, would even bother to get out of bed were it not for the opportunity to luxuriate in her FLUFFY blue dressing gown.
    Really Madame?

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  32. I knew you were posh.

    And it's true, I AM a pearl, having been found not too long ago tucked under a slimy bit of seafood. Well, I was told it was seafood, anyway -- I was quite drunk at the time.

    As for your readers, I check you almost every day. I -- I -- aww dammit anyway. I thought I got it all out the other day...

    Would love coffee, tea, beer, biscuits or chips or anything else you call by a different name that I would recognize as something else.

    I've missed you!

    Pearl

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  33. I wish to make it clear that I am in no-one's shower. I dislike showers. Give me a bath any day. Nor am I a dream.

    I may be a nightmare though.

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  34. Ms Alice: I have to admit to a tiny crush on Phil Daniels! He is very sweet.
    I was thinking about welding the other day... I actually had a pertinent question to ask you, but I can't remember what it was now. I will remember and get back to you, it was probably something calligraphy releted.

    Macy: I haven't clicked on your link yet as I'm going to use my psychic powers... is the link Psycho releated? I will give myself a prize if I am correct.

    Nick: Have you been dreaming about Joanna Lumley again?

    Mr Coppens: Okay, okay.... Roses's dressing gown is fluffy...BUT she is teatotal.

    Pearl: Pearl you are a pearl, or a gem, and long may we continue to drop biscuit crumbs over our keyboards together... mine is actually crunching as I type.
    BUT I'm really not posh, although I was one of the few who came out of my Comprehensive school with a vague understanding of spellliges. This makes me rare.

    Dave And as the Hattatts would say: again.
    Yes... er... are you sure you're not an hallucination?

    Sx

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  35. Macy: Oops!!! Should have clicked on the link first!!
    *slopes off to watch Strictly Come Dancing*

    Sxxxx

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  36. Strictly Come Dancing? More of an X Factor gal myself. Bread and circuses are all the rage in sarf London these days.

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  37. Madame D: I will be switching over to the X Factor after Strictly!
    I don't like missing out!
    SX

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  38. I take one day off from reading blogs, come back to 41 comments and am completely bewildered, not least at the revelation that Dave is both Bobby Ewing and Benny Hill's brother. One is more surprising than the other. I have no idea who or what I am.

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  39. I dont believe a word of it , especially the bit about me ,as I do like bananas , especially in custard and I dont own a flannel

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  40. Well, you're right about me being a Canadian nurse, but all the other revelations have my mind boggled!

    All I can say, Scarlet, is it feels great to be reading your blog again. Please don't stay away so long ever again!!! Please? xoxoxo

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  41. Your right I've given up reading your blog.....except I have to admit to reading odd words between the hours of 9pm and 12pm and even words between 8am and 10:24 am....which makes for a very strange read..... But not as strange as when I tried to read it in one chunk.....

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  42. I agree with the chairman chap - Wales wuz robbed! (We are talking about the Rugby match, are we? Oh! You mean the tiddly winks at the Draig Goch when the barman accidentally goosed me and I got a double score?In that case, no!)

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  43. Z: Would you like to be Joanna Lumley? Although it appears that if you are, then Nick has a crush on you.
    This is how blogging rumours are created.
    I think Dave is more of a Benny than a Bobby.

    Mr Beastie: Do you own a plastic body mitt instead of a flannel? And I notice that you seem to be indifferent to the mention of cucumber. Interesting.
    Updates Mr Beastie's file: Has baths in custard and uses cucumber as loofah.

    Ponita: It feels nice to be back! Thank you!
    I will do my best to update more regularly. I do like blogging this time of year, it somehow feels more cosy.

    Mr Logs: I dread to think how my blog reads to somebody who hasn't followed it through its highs and lows... but reading a chunk of it all in one go may have been disturbing.

    Dinah: Updates Dinah's file: International Tiddly-Winks Champion and owner of geese.

    Sx

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  44. No no, dear Joanna isn't my type at all. Now if you mentioned Sigourney Weaver....

    I hasten to add that Sigourney has never been anywhere near Boscastle and has never been involved in a boating incident.

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  45. Clever Scarlet - it was Quadrophenia which I'm sure you'll agree sounds very like impetigo.

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  46. cucumber sandwich on whit with the crusts cut off for me please

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  47. That bit about Beast and cucumbers and wet flannels is true...how do you think he stuffs his SpongeBob boxer shorts?

    Did you know that Mr. Coppens has no need for stuffing in his swimsuit area?

    Von LX has a tattoo of Marlene Dietrich on a body part he would rather not discuss in polite society.

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  48. Pat, I read your last comment in church and nearly snorted with laughter in a solemn moment of the service. You do lead me astray.

    I could be Joanna Lumley's shorter sister, perhaps.

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  49. Nick: An update to Nick's file: has had a traumatic experience with a sailor and believes in UFO's - obviously a fan of Dynasty.

    Pat: I am now wondering if Phil Daniels is going to turn up in the new film Contagion, with Kate Winslet and Jude Law - I think he should.

    Mr Bene: Now this is one thing I do know, Mr Beastie never ever, ever eats white bread.
    Updates Mr Benes file: has an aversion to crusty hippyness

    MJ: I will update my findings regarding Mr Lux's large candy. And how strange, but I find myself smiling every time I read the words Mr. Coppens has no need for stuffing in his swimsuit area?
    I must be ovulating.

    Z: Yes, Pat caught me out as well!

    Sxx

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  50. I'm feeling it too, Miss Scarlet.

    Perhaps I need a cold shower or some fresh air.

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  51. MJ: Indeed! It is a most peculiar feeling!
    I will be outside in the fresh air composing myself for the next ten minutes.
    Sx

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  52. And I shall be imagining Mr. Beastie and his wet flannel.

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  53. Oh yes... an instant solution!
    Sx

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  54. Oh bugger. I went outside for a cigarette and started thinking about Mr Coppens with a wet flannel. Oh dear. This will not do.
    Sx

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  55. Thank goodness I have found your blog. I had been corresponding with all of these people on match.com and had intended meeting a few who described themselves to me as "like minded". One has to be so careful of people one meets on the interwebs

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  56. That's quite enough lies and fabrications. You'll be hearing from Sue, Grabbit and Runne in the morning.

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  57. Sir Fynwy: Hello and Welcome!!!
    Yes, I would advise caution when meeting fellow onliners... I always take an automatic umbrella and a bag of Werther's Originals. One can never be too careful.
    Sx

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  58. Nick: Oh dear. What with Daphne's solicitor and now yours... well this is nearly as bad as when I found Proctor and Gamble lurking in my site meter.
    Sx

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  59. I want to meet Ian McShane. Perhaps Roger will do in a pinch

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  60. Hello, Scarlet Blue, I found you via Pat. I love your writing and think you could be as daft as me! Chin, chin.

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  61. ... is it Christmas already?

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  62. Still here. Keep trying to pull away but your magnetism sucks me back in. Plus, there's nothing much on telly...

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  63. Ms Nurse: If you squint a bit then Rog makes a fine Ian McShane.

    John G: Hello and Welcome! Thank you! I do my best!

    Mr Mags: Happy Christmas!!!
    Though it doesn't officially begin until the 1st November.

    Mr Whirly: I'm pleased that I can compete with Lorraine Kelly et al!!!

    Sx

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  64. I think I've found myself (or someone very like me!) Monday's eh? eh? :¬)

    xxx

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  65. 'Scarlet Blue IS not ginger'.

    I don't know what to say.

    Maybe oddly disappointed ;)

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  66. Mr Maps: I'm finding myself quite perky this afternoon, which is odd for a Monday.

    Mr Rabbit: Well... maybe I'm just a little gingerish.

    Sx

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  67. No, no one is reading your blog that's why you have 74 comments. ;)

    Btw. My point and shoot camera is a Sony Cyber Shot. I prefer the results I get from that the posh SLR Canon.

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  68. Mr Joey: I think it's cos I haven't posted for so long!
    I have a Panasonic, but I think I prefer your Sony results, plus you probably know what you're doing with the lighting!
    Sx

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  69. Was it you who bought a Panasonic camera through my Amazon link? I wondered. Thanks. Do encourage your friends. x

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  70. Dave: Er... Apologies, but no, it wasn't me! I got mine in Exeter.
    Sx

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  71. Oh well. I was going to buy a drink for whoever it was.

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