Friday, 9 December 2011

Instructions For A Wet Weekend In The Countryside or Scotland

1) Visit a local cutting edge, trend setting fashion store such as Mole Valley or Scats.
2) Stand transfixed and slightly in awe at the plethora of weather proof jackets and coats they have on offer.
3) After much contemplating select a weather proof garment and team with a fetching pair of green wellington boots to create a new look that is both stylish and elegant.
4) Go for a walk to test weather resistance of new outfit.
5) Fall in ditch.
6) Drown.

33 comments:

  1. Hello Scarlet:
    In Hampshire, Herefordshire and Hertfordshire, Hurricanes Hardly ever Happen. We suggest a move. Now!!

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  2. The Top Hats: Good morning Jane and Lance! I don't know about Herefordshire... but Hampshire can be gusty.
    Many thanks for not noticing my dreadful typo, which I have now corrected.
    Sx

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  3. Are you now working for the Scottish Tourism Board?

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  4. Dicky: Och Aye!!!

    Deep apologies to my Scottish friends.
    Sx

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  5. poidh, as the young people say.

    I have no idea what it means.

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  6. Mr Scruusloos: I will try to dig out pictures of the hideous ditch incident. As you know, I have a camera boy on hand to capture my every walking moment.
    Sx

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  7. Going down in style ... a Scottish ditch is not the same as an Irish bog, or is it? It's poor man's Titanic and the Wellingtons are real killers.

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  8. Mr Mags: Indeed a Scottish ditch, and Irish bog and a Devon dyke are completely different things...
    Sx

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  9. I only got to stage 1 because Mole Valley Farmers diverted me with their rivetting tool videos.

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  10. Rog: All their tools are compact, easy-to-handle and extremely robust.
    I understand the distraction.
    Sx

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  11. Does #6 mean an end to this blogging marathon week? [worries]

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  12. Mr LX: No, I'm not giving up the marathon blogging experience.
    On Saturday I'm counting on a very poor turnout so I'm just going to waffle on a bit. On Sunday I might have the christmas tree up... so there will be pics, on Monday...well I'll think about that when the time comes... and I will finish on Tuesday with a final flush [but this won't literally be the final flush as there will be more toilet posts in the future. So, this is our itinery, it'll probs just be me and you tomorrow... so maybe I'll read your tea leaves... or coffee rings?
    Sx

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  13. It's probably the drowning walker that made that curious rattling sound. It's a death rattle.

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  14. Much relieved!

    I'll be here!

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  15. Nick: Oh, the gargling noise a walker makes just as the mud bubbles up under his nose? Yes, that could be the noise!

    You're around on Saturdays, aren't you Nick? Maybe You, Mr LX and I could play charades or something?
    Sx

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  16. Mr LX: Charades then? I will think of something to play.
    Sx

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  17. I don't get out much, so I have never played charades. I'll sit in the corner.

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  18. If you drowned, clothing clearly not waterproof. Send it back and get your money refunded

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  19. I find that the best way to deal with the countryside is to have a fleet of cement lorries proceeding me - in the same way the queen only ever gets to walk on red carpet I get to walk on lovely clean concrete..... As for visiting Scotland I feel a huge plastic bubble covering the whole country is the only way with dealing with the 95% rainfall 4% snowfall and 1% odd looking blue sky with hot orange orb which appears once every 10 years....

    P.S I think I met that Devon Dyke you mentioned, she was very friendly but my masculinity wilted under the competition. I found it hiding in the airing cupboard with McG

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  20. Mr LX: You will play! Maybe we could play a picture game?

    Mr Bene: There is nothing worse than wellies with holes in... my advice: always carry three plastic carrier bags with you - two to line your boots and one for your head. Who needs all this expensive waterproofing anyhow, when there is Tesco's.

    Mr Logs: Nice theory... but you would have to wait for the cement to dry before proceeding forward... all the waterproofed walkers would be steaming ahead of you - literally, if the sun came out after a heavy downpour.

    Sx

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  22. You forgot
    -1. STAY INDOORS

    (what do you think Tunnock's Teacakes were invented for?)

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  23. Mr Auty: Sounds like a good idea to me...teacakes and a woodburning stove, who wants to be outside?
    Sx

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  24. Mr Logs: Nice theory... but you would have to wait for the cement to dry before proceeding forward...
    way ahead of you on that one.... It’s why I only use quick drying cement or possibly porridge when in Scotland....that stuff dries harder than the most ardent of cements....

    all the waterproofed walkers would be steaming ahead of you - literally, if the sun came out after a heavy downpour.
    They had better make themselves cementproofed , otherwise it’s going to be a very bumpy ride...I wonder if they put red carpet over slow moving peasants when the queen turns up unannounced .....

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  25. You could always take photos of useless exploding wind turbines!

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  26. But you looked good doing it, right?

    Pearl

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  27. Charades? Super duper. And don't forget the Tunnock's Teacakes.

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  28. You were ditched in Scotland?!
    Shocking!

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  29. Can't think what gave you the idea it rains in Scotland...sometimes it snows or, erm, blows y'know!

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  30. Mr Logs: You are a cruel man!
    Are you around today? We are now playing charades.

    John: Oh, I saw that! Why did it explode? Most peculiar, they should have turned the power off.

    Pearl: Oh yes! Always elegant even when falling into a ditch.

    Nick: The Charades post is up!! Hurry along... although I think I may have caused a muddle.

    Wendy: ...and bogged in Ireland...

    Macy: I hope it has all calmed down now and that all those people have their electricity back on. It's nice here today - crisp, but sunny.

    Sx

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  31. I was going to say that these days decapitation from an uncontained wind turbine failure is more likely than drowning in a ditch, but that would have not been a very tasteful comment, xsn

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  32. But scarlet green wellies are so Jilly Cooper. How about a tartan pair?

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  33. Mr Nikos: Please await my turbine tribulations... they are sure to happen... possibly next year.

    Pat: I could work tartan wellies... teamed with paisley leggings.

    Sx

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