Wednesday, 5 December 2012

A sign of the times... or just my time?

At 8.00am this morning I was standing on my patio having my first cigarette of the day. When I had finished it I returned inside via the back door just as Mr Blue was coming down the stairs, wearing his underpants and a scruffy T-shirt. I held the door open to usher him outside, mistaking him for the dog that I haven't owned for three years.

It was a normal cigarette.

A sign of the times indeed.

Thursday, 22 November 2012

Scarlet Blue - the haunted blog

...so last night I decided to go public, bored with my self enforced isolation I flicked the switch and I am back on the blogosphere.
But lo, what is this? Further to the strange activity in my blog stats [now explained - me being a paranoid angst bunny], my blog is now being haunted by an out of control Google+ button on THIS POST. Apparently I have been shared on Google+ over 74,000 times. Unlikely, as only two people actually use Google+. What is even stranger is that the total shares never gets much past 74,666 before resetting to 74,300. I have watched it, it is bizarre. The only rational explanation is that my blog is haunted... by elder bloggers who are now long gone... jokers from the past... such as Mr Mutley.
It must be so, mustn't it? I would like to know of other paranormal activity happening on other blogs. Anyhow, either I'm being haunted or I'm being scraped by some sort of defective spam bot...

Happy Thanksgiving to the US - save me a turkey drumstick!!

Monday, 29 October 2012

Privacy is the new black....

Right, now that just puts the tin hat on it.... I've just worked out that someone is using pictures from my blog on their online dating profile. Good grief. Why?
In any case, I have had enough of pondering why... why this, why that and why me? I am a very ordinary person... so ordinary that I am going private... in ten minutes time my blogs will be private.


Update: 21st November 2012

Now bored with privacy being the new black. Have now decided that reading books and eating yoghurt is more likely to be the new black... At least until the 5th December when for one hour, from 3am, black becomes the new black... thereafter, wearing sparkly stilletos teamed with a Gabardine mac in Sainsbury's every Thursday afternoon becomes the new black for the next five years.

I hope this helps.

Monday, 1 October 2012

Wide Awake

You know when you've been awake since 2.42am and you've tossed and turned for hours and hours yet you still can't get back to sleep - that.
I've had a variety of things go through my head... I've pondered blogging. Whatever happened to Blogging? Where did everyone go? Whatever happened to Dr Maroon? I'd really like to know what happened to him. Are there so many social forums now that I can't be bothered to use any of them? Should I write a post about nibs for my calligraphy blog? Should I forget about blogging altogether? But then I would miss people... I feel somehow connected through bloggers. And this book I've started reading... is it really worth the effort - The Story of You by Julie Myerson - am I going to get to the end feeling strangely traumatised yet none the wiser, as is often the case with books in this genre? Who was it that wrote the The Disappearing Act of Esme Lennox? I need to know who wrote it... I need to know now...

And other thoughts go round in my head until it is 3.42am and then 4.00am... and then I think I ought to give up trying to do the sleep thing and get up and make tea and have a cigarette and Google Esme Lennox - Maggie O'Farrell - of course! Now that was a book worth reading... and it was The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox... not disappearing.

Monday, 10 September 2012

Hello....

....and here is the latest news from the Scarlet Blue Blog...

It is September. The kids are back at school. It will soon be Christmas.

Please note that Halloween and Guy Fawkes night have been withdrawn this year due to budgetary cuts.

Whilst we sit and think about this revelation could you answer the following question:-

What is the worst thing you have done to a banana?

I am asking for a friend.

Thank you.

Meanwhile, here is a tune:-


Friday, 24 August 2012

The Diary of a Moving Story - Conclusion

Time to draw this sorry tale to a close. I am back in Devon, back in the same house I moved out of on the 26th July, but I am only back here by the skin of my teeth and some good fortune. I could continue to write the whole story here, but I think it'd drive us all nuts... quite frankly I want to move on... and Smiths Gore aren't very helpful when it comes to moving.

To summarise:-

Smiths Gore left us without an electrical safety certificate from 25th July 2012 until 30th July 2012.

The smoke alarms weren't connected until 30th July.

The shower wasn't connected until the 30th July.

The thermostat for the central heating wasn't connected until 1st August.

Smiths Gore left us without a safety certificate for the chimney. They swore blind they had one, but on 2nd August a chimney sweep left a message on my mobile saying that he'd been instructed by Smiths Gore to contact me regarding my chimney etc, etc [rolls eyes skywards].

The outstanding building work for the property is too extensive for me to go into - but there are plenty of pics on my camera.

Anyhow, our solicitor informed us that it was highly unlikely that we would be released from the tenancy agreement and so long as Smiths Gore completed the work within a reasonable time frame then there was little we could do without spending even more money seeking damages.

We sent an email to Lucy Back [Rural Surveyor, Smiths Gore, Taunton] on 1st August giving them two options:-

1] To release us from the tenancy agreement on moral grounds rather than legal, or

2] To waiver the first month's rent as compensation for the stress they'd caused us.

We also said that if they agreed to release us from the tenancy agreement then we would not pursue them for damages [different from costs].

Lucy Back replied on the 2nd August. She wrote that Smiths Gore were not prepared to waiver a month's rent, but would release us from the tenancy agreement provided that we vacated the property by 11th August, giving us just nine days to move out.

Luckily we had already talked to our old Landlord in Devon about the possibility of returning, without this option we would have had just nine days to find a new property and yet another deposit - which I don't believe would have been possible.

We moved back to our home in Devon on Wednesday 8th August. I can't describe how this felt - it was the oddest feeling to move all my possessions back into a house that I'd moved out of two weeks prior. This odd feeling coupled with an overwhelming feeling of relief. Have you ever wanted to hug a house? This is how I felt when I returned.
I also very nearly hugged the removal men when they came to fetch me from Somerset [one of them had moved me in, so we became quite friendly]. The morning of the 8th August was a bit like Christmas morning.

Smiths Gore refused to pay costs, i.e removal fees there and back - just under £2,000 and solicitor's fees of £930.00. They returned my deposit for £2,225 this morning.

All in all a very expensive two weeks in Somerset. I'll stay in a B&B next time. And I won't take the kitchen sink.

Meanwhile, I still don't feel too great - my clothes that had hung in a fitted wardrobe at the bungalow still smell a bit of damp; my smoking has thankfully gone back to normal - 13 a day; my weight went down to 6 stone 13lbs but is now going up again thanks to cake and bacon butties! But my hair has suffered, I don't know why but it's gone lanky... I've not seen it like this since I was fourteen...

Anyhow [my second 'anyhow' in this post], let's not dwell on this, time to move on.





Property: Gesuda TA20 3JA
Letting Agent: Smiths Gore
Landlord: Highways Agency

Monday, 13 August 2012

A Diary of a Moving Story - Part Two

July 26th 2012 – moving day continued...
It is early evening, the removal men have left, gardening contractors have arrived to strim the garden area, but not yet the paddocks. Mr Blue rings EDF [electricity company] to see if they can resolve our electricity problems. Because we have no electricity in half of the property, EDF consider us to be in an emergency situation. EDF also explain that each key meter has a unique key.

The EDF man arrives promptly and inspects the meter box area. He explains that due to new health and safety regulations that the key meter will have to be changed to a standard digital meter; they are no longer allowed to install key meters above 6ft. He installs the new meter, switches the power on and begins running tests on the circuits. Initially, we are relieved. Mr Blue switches on the light in the dining room, we almost cheer, but then Mr Blue tries the light in the main bedroom, this causes the light in the dining room to fade and the light in the bathroom to come on. Mr Blue and the nice EDF man play around with the lights for a little longer until the EDF man concludes that the lighting circuit in the main part of the bungalow is unsafe. He advises us not to turn the lights on until an electrician has looked at the circuit properly. He tests the sockets and concludes that these are safe. I ask how this property can possibly have an electrical safety certificate? The EDF man shrugs and shakes his head.

Due to our efficiency prior to moving we already have an internet connection set up at the bungalow [thank you, Plusnet]. Mr Blue fires up his laptop so that he can access his email to see if Ms Small has forwarded a copy of the electrical safety certificate. She has indeed sent him an email regarding the electricity, but it is not a safety certificate, it is instead a safety report, which more or less informs us of all the work that needs to be done to make the building safe. It also tells us that the main part of the building has only ever had a ‘dead’ test and not a ‘live’ test due to the key meter being switched off....

The nice EDF man leaves. I find a voice mail on my phone from Lucy Back [Rural Surveyor – Smiths Gore], she tells me the key for the key meter is generic and that I can purchase one from any good hardware store.

We go out for food.

We come back. We discover that turning on one of the bedroom lights in the annexe trips the lighting circuit in this part of the building as well.
I am slightly hysterical. I drink scotch and smoke too many fags. We stay up all night and compose an email to our solicitor.

Property: Gesuda TA20 3JA
Letting Agent: Smiths Gore
Landlord: Highways Agency

Friday, 10 August 2012

A Diary of a Moving Story - Part One

June 12th 2012 - How it all began.

Weight: 7st 4lbs
Fags: 13

Viewed large bungalow near Chard today. Great location for our rural business enterprises - close to A303 - good connections and not far from the coast. The bungalow has an annexe attached, several large outbuildings, and two paddocks. It’s being refurbished, and there is still plenty of work to be done, for example, the paddocks need to be cleared of nettles; rubbish needs to be cleared from the driveway and garden area; plus there are some large gas canisters in the outbuildings that need to be removed, but the letting agent [Chloe Small at Smiths Gore, Taunton] has promised that this will be done before the start of our tenancy. She has also confirmed that all the remaining building work will be completed; that the property will be properly cleaned; that carpets will be laid throughout including new vinyl in both kitchens and utility room; 500 litres of oil will be added to the tank, and that the septic tank will be emptied. Smiths Gore have a good reputation as a managing agent, so I'm sure this will happen, plus Chloe seems to be very professional.
I wouldn't ordinarily plump for a bungalow - but at the back of my mind I’m thinking about my parents - they might have to come and live with me one day so an annexe would be useful. This could possibly be a very long let because the Landlord is the Highways Agency - they own thousands of properties across the country that have lain empty for years due to road improvements being abandoned, but apparently there is now some kind of Government initiative to make these properties habitable again.
I don't love it, but it could be a practical home for the next five years before we decide to buy again.


July 9th 2012 - The point where if we'd had any sense we would have run for the hills.

Weight: 7st 3lbs
Fags: 15

Went to visit the bungalow to check how the work is progressing. Norman, a security guard who is employed to look after empty Highways Agency property, is there to show us round. There is no sign of Chloe Small. Sadly, due to the unprecedented amount of rain we've had over the weekend, the bungalow has let in water - in fact there's a great big puddle in the annexe living room - it's a good job they haven't yet laid the carpets. There is also a large area of water on the one of the kitchen work tops - we can't fathom where this has come from.
We also note that no rubbish has been cleared from the property and that the nettles in the paddocks still haven't been cut back.
On our way back home we visit the Smiths Gore office in Taunton to report our findings. We meet with Chloe Small and Lucy Back [a rural surveyor], they assure us that they will have the dampness addressed, nettles cleared, carpets laid and everything shipshape for when the tenancy begins on the 25th July. I look Chloe Small in the eye and tell her that if there is one thing I can't put up with then it's the smell of damp in my belongings. She assures me that she does not want the tenancy to begin with an ongoing damp problem.
At this point I want to pull out, nothing has been signed and I suggest to Mr Blue that we ask our current Landlord if we can stay put, even though we have given him notice that we will be leaving by the 31st July. Unfortunately, Mr Blue has a lot more faith in Chloe and Lucy than I do.

July 10th 2012

Weight: 7st 2lbs
Fags: 17

Spend time surfing Rightmove in an effort to find an alternative property. Spend time trying to persuade Mr Blue that the bungalow is a bad idea. Mr Blue is worried that we don't have time to make alternative arrangements - for the expansion of his business he needs to be in Somerset. He is still convinced that Smith Gore will keep their word.

July 16th 2012 - The point where I make a horrendous mistake.

Weight: 7st 2lbs
Fags: 16

We ring the Smith Gore office to check that the damp problems have been dealt with, they assure us that their contractors have fixed some broken tiles and cleared the down pipe and gutters. We are told that the leaks in the kitchen have also been fixed. We are also told that security guard, Norman, has been airing the property and turning on the heating each day to help dry it out.
I sign the tenancy agreement on the bungalow and write a cheque for over £2,000 for the deposit.

July 25th 2012 - The tenancy begins

Weight: 7st 2lbs
Fags 18

We meet with Chloe Small at the bungalow to check in, although we are not going to move our belongings until the 26th. Norman the security guard is still on site as he has not been given notice to leave. The inventory is still being done, but by a different company.
The bungalow is still filthy, although Chloe Small believes it is acceptable. Dead flies hang around the window seals and sills and dust from the building work is clearly visible on some walls [the inventory later describes most of the property as being moderately dirty]. The property smells strongly of damp and gloss paint. As we are shown around the property we discover that four windows cannot be closed properly because the hinges are broken. Carpets have been laid but there is no new vinyl in either kitchen. We tackle Chloe over the cleaning and the vinyl, she tells us that these things are no longer going to be done as she considers both the cleanliness and the floors to be of an acceptable standard. The property is exactly as it was when I first saw it on 12th June. The nettles in the paddocks have not been cleared and rubbish still surrounds the property. There are still gas canisters in the outbuildings. I have suspicions that the damp problems have not been addressed either. I start to cry. Chloe relents regarding the cleaning and says she will contact a cleaning contractor so they can clean it on the morning of our move.
Chloe gives us two sets of keys, but explains that a couple of keys are missing because they are still with the builders, or lost.
I ask Chloe for copies of the electrical safety certificate and the chimney safety certificate, she says she will email them to us later in the day.
Chloe Small leaves the site describing the situation as 'the check-in from hell'.
I look around the property by myself and test to see if the lights are working. I discover that the lights only work in the annexe area of the property. Norman tells us that this is because the property has two electricity meters and only the meter for the annexe is switched on. The electricity meters are located high up [above 6ft] in the dining room behind a covered area. We do not have a chair or ladder to stand on to inspect them, so we trust that the electricity can easily be switched on, but wish that Chloe had told us about this before she left.

July 26th 2012 – Moving Day
Weight: 7st 1lb
Fags: 25

The removal men arrive promptly at 8.30am, they have our belongings packed and ready to go before 12 noon. We leave shortly after them, after we've packed a few essential items into the car [tea, kettle etc]. On our way to Somerset we stop off for lunch and to get some money from the till. It’s a very hot day, possibly the hottest of the year.
We arrive at the bungalow before 2pm, the removal van is not yet there. The cleaning contractors sent by Smiths Gore are still inside cleaning, they have made a good job of it, evidenced by buckets of black water. They have been working for four hours and describe the place as filthy, they can’t believe that Smiths Gore were trying to get away with not cleaning it properly. Our removal van arrives before they have finished so they don’t have time to complete their work.
The removal men start to bring in our belongings. When some chairs are brought in, I ask Mr Blue to turn on the electricity in the main part of the building. Mr Blue stands on a chair so that he can reach the electricity meter cupboard. On inspection he discovers that the meter for the main building is a key meter and nobody has seen fit to give us the key. Mr Blue rings the Smiths Gore office to find out where the key is. He is told that it is still with the building contractors and that they will try to locate it, in the meantime they suggest that we run an extension lead from the annexe to the main building. We are still being moved into the property, we have no idea which of our many packing boxes contains the extension leads. Mr Blue goes to B&Q to see if he can get an extension lead. He returns with the longest extension lead he can find but it is not long enough to reach from the annexe to where the Smeg fridge freezer* has been placed. At this point I can no longer contain my anger, I ring the Smiths Gore office myself. I lose my temper. I tell a woman at their office that I am really fucked off with them because I have no electricity in the main building, and although the extension lead was a helpful suggestion it just doesn’t work. I find out that I am speaking to a temp, I tell her that I don’t care who she is and that I just want someone to shout at. I go on to tell her that if she has any sense that she should leave the building she is working in, right now, because Smiths Gore are a pile of crap and that they will skank her over just like they have skanked me. I hang up.
No, I have no idea where I got the word ‘skank’** from either. I am far less eloquent verbally than I am in writing. I am not ashamed of my outburst.


And this is where I am going to end part one of this post, because as I am typing I can feel my blood pressure rising. I know what happens next, and it is far, far worse than what has gone before. Plus I have written over 1,723 words, which must be something of a record for a Scarlet Blue post. If anyone has read this far – thank you.

*when moving a fridge or freezer, always leave it for 45mins plus before switching on again, this is to let the gases settle.

**Skank:- When something is taken without paying, either stolen or given to for free (when not deserved). Usage example: He totally skanked the money off of his mom!!! – from the Urban dictionary.

Property: Gesuda
Letting Agent: Smiths Gore
Landlord: Highways Agency

Saturday, 9 June 2012

And The Winner Is.....

Firstly - A big THANK YOU to everyone who entered a caption for the FGES competition! Secondly, it has been very tough to judge; I know this is a very cliché thing to say, but it's true.

These are the captions that tickled my fancy, I'm not saying that they all didn't tickle my fancy... but these are those that tickled the most....

They may have gotten everything else, but I'll be damned if they're going to repossess my crooked chair! - Rimpy

What do you mean..."inappropriate attire for Royal Ascot."? - Dinah

"Don't you wish your Elf Shorts were HOT.....LIKE .....MINE!?!?" - Damien

"the chair instruction pamphlet didn't include a 'this way is forward' diagram" - Wendy

Wearing these green shorts,
If you enter the sports
That make up the London Olympics,

You’ll show off your arse
When you start run fast
And be a great help to people with limp dicks
- Affer

"Do these shorts make my hat look big?" - Blazing Scarlet

Attracted by her impromptu Marlene Deitrich antics, the lawn gnomes crept closer. 'Phooar! You got the cellie, take her picture, Winky!' hissed Happy. 'We'll be wanting this for the wall behind the lav back at the hollow old oak!'
'Hang on,' replied the breathless gnome 'I'm gettin a nut.'
- Ms Nations

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manner of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the freakin green elf shorts belong,
they belong to kabuki.


Kabuki

"I don't care how many times you have laundered those old things or tizzied them up with festive bunting... The chair hides nothing! I can still smell essence of Beast!" - Princess

"Dang my britches, Ms Scarlet, you sure have some perrdy legs. Shame about the shorts" - Mr Big Dog

"Kill me" - SID

On the set of Tim Burton's latest film, Edwina Elfshorts, Helena Bottom-Carter glumly awaits take-twentythree of the "wedgie" scene. - Mr Devine

Is this the audition for Flashdance the Musical? I've reprised the role somewhat.. - Ms Roses

The recession had got so bad that prison services were reduced to just bars and no walls – it was only the ludicrous new prison garb that stopped any but the most untrendy of prisoners from absconding....
- Mr Logs

"Scarlet first suspected that her new Princess Albertina wasn't gold when her knickers began to turn green." - Mr Hunnt

Lady Gaga celebrating Lizzie's birthday - Pete

"Modelling for the Turner Prize was not what she expected ..." - Mr Mags

"Alice, come back!" - Eryl

'When you've got a pair of Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts life is a cabaret old chum; life is a freakin' cabaret.' - Happy Froggy

I'm freakin' invisible, betches! - KDNA

Is this audition for The Prisoner going to last much longer? I'm dying for a pee.... - Nick

With or without the shorts Ms Keeler would have made more of a commotion had she used this chair. - Mr Bill

Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to rain over us:
God save Miss Scarlet!

- Mr Lax

AND THE WINNER IS....... HUGE DRUM ROLL.... X FACTOR LONG PAUSE............... STILL PAUSING..... MORE PAUSE FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT......

Oh, I don't know... check back at midday BST, when I will announce the winner of the FGES Competition 2012.

THE WINNER IS.... OPENS GOLD ENVELOPE.... Mr Devine for the caption: On the set of Tim Burton's latest film, Edwina Elfshorts, Helena Bottom-Carter glumly awaits take twenty-three of the "wedgie" scene.

And runner up Kabuki wins the hat.... Kabuki deserves a crown.... not a pair of shorts.

Oh, and there will also be a very small something for the most reluctant entry, Mr Lax.


Saturday, 2 June 2012

My Bloggy Fourth Birthday AND the FGES Competition!!!!!!!

So, this it is the moment you have been waiting for.... THE FGES COMPETITION!!!!! Fanfare.... singing.... flags.... bunting!!!! The UK really floats the boats when it's got something to celebrate.
It is a great honour for me to be holding the FGES competition on my 4th Bloggy Birthday.... there is other stuff going on today in the UK, but this is far more exciting.

The general idea of the 'Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts' Caption Competition is to post a photo of yourself on your blog, wearing "The Shorts".

Whoever comes up with the best caption wins "The Shorts".

The current holder of "The Shorts" then sends the winner "The Shorts" and a few souvenirs from their country.

So here we go, caption this...


 



Please note: Previous winners are allowed to enter AND, you can enter as many captions as you like.

The winner will be announced on Saturday 9th June 2012 @ 12 noon BST [British Summer Time]

Good Luck!!!!!!!

A link to a gallery of previous FGES winners, just to whet your appetites.

Thursday, 24 May 2012

A Very British Affair..... The Freaking Green Elf Shorts

There is a lot going on in Britain today. As a nation we are being asked to run around with torches and an elderly lady is preparing to have a bit of a do. Oh, and most of us don't have much money, but we are still doing better than Greece.
Meanwhile, I have more important things to think about... such as preparing for the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts competition. I have props to acquire and a photographer's services to engage - when us Brits do something we like to do it properly... or not at all.

The legend of the FGES [Freakin' Green Elf shorts] began in Ohio, USA in 2004 when Andrea Knapp (a British ex-pat) bought a pair of novelty Elf Shorts for her husband George as a gag gift. For a laugh, Andrea took a photograph of George wearing the shorts and posted the pic on her blog. Andrea then decided to turn it into a caption competition, not thinking ANYONE would want to win them.... and the rest is Blogging history.

Put it this way, these shorts are more travelled, more photographed, more talked about, and more cultured than most of us, and as the current shorts wearer it is my duty to continue the caption competition... even though technically I shouldn't really have them... but less said etc, etc...

For a definitive history of the FGES please visit Infomaniac HERE



Please talk amongst yourselves whilst I prepare myself for the competition....


Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Blue Energy



It has been brought to my attention that EDF are now using a bouncy nipple to flaunt their wares. After much discussion with colleagues, cohorts, Geraldine at the bus stop and, Cybill Shepherd, I have discovered that the bouncy nipple is in fact a Zingy stress toy. So not a nipple after all, but a squeezy ball instead - an easy mistake for any of us to make, especially when sallying forth up a darkened alley way. Thankfully EDF is at hand with Blue Energy to light up the passage so that this type of unfortunate mishap should become a thing of the past.

When I first saw this footage I nodded sagely and thought to myself: how clever of EDF to utilise a naked flame to advertise blue energy... then I kind of twigged that they were advertising electricity... and not gas...

Anyhow... I can hear that my washing machine is nearing the spin cycle... who needs Electric Dreams when Good Vibrations are free.

I will be back soon with news of the FGES competition and hopefully MJ will have also returned.

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

The Comment Box is now Open....

This is not a post. This is an announcement to say that a new comment box is now open on the Scarlet Blue Blog. As ever, discussion will vary wildly and will feature in depth analysis on controversial subjects such as:-

Cheese - Is it simply dangerous or just another cost effective way to insulate the loft?

Pharmaceuticals - A healthy alternative to bar snacks or just a long word beginning with 'P'?

Knicker liners with secure fit technology - innovative, or just an expensive upgrade on a wad of loo paper?

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts - Who? What? Why? And most importantly....
Where????



Many thanks to Mr Lax

Thursday, 16 February 2012

I'm Still Alive... but only for the sake of a glance...

I am often made fun of for being over cautious. Ridiculed for my predilection for proper procedures; for my funny little ways that make me feel safe and happy. People say: Scarlet, why don't you throw caution to the wind, rip all your clothes off and go skinny dipping in the sea? No, I say, because I am wary of strong currents and of having blue knees. People say: Scarlet, why won't you climb the tallest tree and perform aerial gymnastics from a bushy branch? No, I say, because I am scared of woodland bugs and don't like snagging my tights. People say: Scarlet, why don't you throw caution to the wind, just every once in a while? Yeah, maybe sometimes...
But caution has its virtues, and if it wasn't for my habit of checking for traffic both ways even when knowingly crossing a one way street, then I would be dead right now. I was in Torquay yesterday and I am unused to the road layout. It looked like a one way system, certainly seemed to be behaving like a one way system, and in my heart of hearts I felt it was a one way system, so when the traffic cleared from the left I stepped into the road, but with a cursory glance to the right. Oh thank God I did. Otherwise today's local headline would read: Couple mown down by very large coach full of tourists.
My companion? Yes, indeed - one of those people who so often teases me for my over cautious behaviour... one of those people who often bounds ahead of me, throwing caution to the wind... one of those people who doesn't make the cursory glance to the right.

Anyhow, on a lighter note, I will mostly be wearing pink this summer.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Tittles.

I caught Mr Beastie gazing at my tittles the other day. What can I say, I can't blame him... sometimes they are impressively placed.... perhaps on occasion, too high... and sometimes I leave them out all night because I am forgetful.

Click to make tittles big.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, and may all your tittles be warm ones.

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

When Good Bloggers Go Bad.....or a bit smelly....

Has the blogosphere as I knew it, died? Have all Mr Coppen'sssss wild predictions come true??? Have we all perished under the weight of insipid self promoting marketing blogs? [Like Mr Coppens said we would] Have I been moving in the wrong circles??? Probably. Is there anybody left? Am I here? Have I gone completely barking? WOULD YOU LIKE A HOBNOB????? Custard Cream?? A VERY BIG MUFFIN?? Does Mistress MJ really need the pink ointment to cure her recent problems or just a rub down with some tea tree oil and a soggy flannel [this is a 'cure all' btw, don't ask me how I know]????

What the hell has been going on since I've taken a month off?? Should I become a troll? Should I write something? Should I come home and dust off my blog????

Oh dear.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Facebook friends, Bloggers and twitterers lend me your screens. I have been derelict. In my blogging duties, and I am here to right this wrong...
I apologise, after my blogging marathon I have been very quiet and have to confess that I'm probably going to be very quiet throughout January as well, due to one thing and plenty of another. I am busy, which is novel. And this busy-ness has made it difficult for me to keep up with my blogging habit, this is because I'm someone who is genetically designed for reclining on a chaise longue, quaffing champagne, sucking truffles... and not for whizzing around like a french maid on roller skates in a run down B&B with 27 very mucky rooms and only a damp sponge to help me. I is knackered. You'll be alright when I'm away, won't you????




HAVE AN ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS NEW YEAR!!!
...to be continued....