Saturday, 9 June 2012

And The Winner Is.....

Firstly - A big THANK YOU to everyone who entered a caption for the FGES competition! Secondly, it has been very tough to judge; I know this is a very cliché thing to say, but it's true.

These are the captions that tickled my fancy, I'm not saying that they all didn't tickle my fancy... but these are those that tickled the most....

They may have gotten everything else, but I'll be damned if they're going to repossess my crooked chair! - Rimpy

What do you mean..."inappropriate attire for Royal Ascot."? - Dinah

"Don't you wish your Elf Shorts were HOT.....LIKE .....MINE!?!?" - Damien

"the chair instruction pamphlet didn't include a 'this way is forward' diagram" - Wendy

Wearing these green shorts,
If you enter the sports
That make up the London Olympics,

You’ll show off your arse
When you start run fast
And be a great help to people with limp dicks
- Affer

"Do these shorts make my hat look big?" - Blazing Scarlet

Attracted by her impromptu Marlene Deitrich antics, the lawn gnomes crept closer. 'Phooar! You got the cellie, take her picture, Winky!' hissed Happy. 'We'll be wanting this for the wall behind the lav back at the hollow old oak!'
'Hang on,' replied the breathless gnome 'I'm gettin a nut.'
- Ms Nations

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manner of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the freakin green elf shorts belong,
they belong to kabuki.


Kabuki

"I don't care how many times you have laundered those old things or tizzied them up with festive bunting... The chair hides nothing! I can still smell essence of Beast!" - Princess

"Dang my britches, Ms Scarlet, you sure have some perrdy legs. Shame about the shorts" - Mr Big Dog

"Kill me" - SID

On the set of Tim Burton's latest film, Edwina Elfshorts, Helena Bottom-Carter glumly awaits take-twentythree of the "wedgie" scene. - Mr Devine

Is this the audition for Flashdance the Musical? I've reprised the role somewhat.. - Ms Roses

The recession had got so bad that prison services were reduced to just bars and no walls – it was only the ludicrous new prison garb that stopped any but the most untrendy of prisoners from absconding....
- Mr Logs

"Scarlet first suspected that her new Princess Albertina wasn't gold when her knickers began to turn green." - Mr Hunnt

Lady Gaga celebrating Lizzie's birthday - Pete

"Modelling for the Turner Prize was not what she expected ..." - Mr Mags

"Alice, come back!" - Eryl

'When you've got a pair of Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts life is a cabaret old chum; life is a freakin' cabaret.' - Happy Froggy

I'm freakin' invisible, betches! - KDNA

Is this audition for The Prisoner going to last much longer? I'm dying for a pee.... - Nick

With or without the shorts Ms Keeler would have made more of a commotion had she used this chair. - Mr Bill

Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to rain over us:
God save Miss Scarlet!

- Mr Lax

AND THE WINNER IS....... HUGE DRUM ROLL.... X FACTOR LONG PAUSE............... STILL PAUSING..... MORE PAUSE FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT......

Oh, I don't know... check back at midday BST, when I will announce the winner of the FGES Competition 2012.

THE WINNER IS.... OPENS GOLD ENVELOPE.... Mr Devine for the caption: On the set of Tim Burton's latest film, Edwina Elfshorts, Helena Bottom-Carter glumly awaits take twenty-three of the "wedgie" scene.

And runner up Kabuki wins the hat.... Kabuki deserves a crown.... not a pair of shorts.

Oh, and there will also be a very small something for the most reluctant entry, Mr Lax.


62 comments:

  1. Hello Miss Scarlet:
    Now this IS a tease - of some kind or another!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Dear... does this mean we shall get to see Mr DeVice's lovely lanky lillywhite legs again? Remind me to find my welding mask so as to stop the glare

    ReplyDelete
  3. Congratulations Mr Devine, I really enjoyed your competition Scarlet - great fun!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Congrats to Mr Device!

    Thank you Miss Scarlet for hosting and the mention.

    ReplyDelete
  5. LOL congrats, sugar! xoxoxox great contest, scarlet, you did very well as hostess!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for a fun (and smexy) addition to the competition, Miss Scarlet. I shall continue to follow the winner(s) of the FGES, entering captions, until I am that person! Congratulations to Mr. Devine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rimpy, m'dear, apparently there is a rule that the shorts can only be won by a Blogger who has a blog.... Please start blogging immediately!
      Without this rule the contest may have turned out differently!
      Sxx

      Delete
    2. Oh, no, but I do have a blog! Two actually. I thought that would appear from my Google profile, but apparently I was wrong. The first one, Raise the Thunderbeam! (http://raisethethunderbeam.blogspot.com/), is a bit moribund and paltry at the moment. I used to attend to it quite devotedly, but I had a bloggy breakdown or two, and a lot of years worth of stuff disappeared. Same is pretty much true for the other one - The Punctuator! (thepunctuator.blogspot.com), which is the third iteration of that particular blog name for me.

      If only I had known. I must go drink, now, then spend some time quietly weeping into my pillow.

      Delete
    3. How about I send you a special photograph of the FGES???
      Sxxx

      Delete
    4. That would be delightful, Scarlet (just nothing that might make Mrs. Rimpington jealous, if you please).

      Delete
  7. No Man Is An Island (Meditation 17)
    John Donne 1624

    No man is an island,
    Entire of itself.
    Each is a piece of the continent,
    A part of the main.
    If a clod be washed away by the sea,
    Europe is the less.
    As well as if a promontory were.
    As well as if a manor of thine own
    Or of thine friend's were.
    Each man's death diminishes me,
    For I am involved in mankind.
    Therefore, send not to know
    For whom the bell tolls,
    It tolls for thee.


    To which I can only add: Neither can we call this a begging of misery, or a borrowing of misery, as though we were not miserable enough of ourselves, but must fetch in more from the next house, in taking upon us the misery of our neighbours.

    Even us Hillbillies got educashun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ....I have another hat if you're interested?
      Sx

      Delete
  8. So when do we see an exclusive trailer for Edwina Elfshorts?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny you should ask, as I do have some footage of myself with the FGES.... in Lyme Regis.
      Sx

      Delete
  9. kabuki considers all the entrants winners, and of course - CAKE for everyone!!!! kabuki is actually tearing up with joy, and canot aford to tear stain another silk kimono. But that being said, this contest is all so very beautiful

    ReplyDelete
  10. Woo hoo! I got a mention! Yay!

    Do I take it that the delicacy IDV has won the shorts? Awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Congratulations to IDV!
    And yes - Edwina Elfshorts will be worth the wait!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Did somebody mention CAKE?

    ReplyDelete
  13. I understand Andy Hamilton will be starring as the Official Guardian of the Elfshorts.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I only wish I would have had a clever caption. Not sure if I would have won, but it's trying that matters, say the losers.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I am having problems contacting Mr Device. If he's not been in touch by Friday I may put everybody's name in a hat and pick another winner.
    ***flounces out in a huff of scarlet***
    Sxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  16. Here I am!

    Oh, gods. It's happened again. What was I thinking?! I mean: Gosh! I can't believe it!

    I really can't.

    * narrows eyes and looks sceptical *

    Wait a minute... Is this a punishment of some sort?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ***Does happy dance***
      ....as Mr Beastie would say!
      Please can you send me your details and I will send you the shorts with some goodies from... Er.... Devon.
      Sxxx

      Delete
    2. The shorts were destined for Norwich!

      Hmmm....I wonder if I could sneak past and have a look at them up close and personal?

      Delete
    3. You could consider stealing them, Ms Roses???
      Sx

      Delete
  17. Blimey, it's all gone quiet. Everybody's slumped in bed drowning their sorrows and wondering why they didn't clinch the coveted elfshorts. Ms Scarlet, you'll have to lift the gloom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will soon be embarking on my annual tour of British coastal toileting experiences. I am just waiting for the rain to stop.
      Watch this space.
      Sx

      Delete
  18. Waiting for the rain to stop? Ha ha ha. Catch you in six months' time then....

    ReplyDelete
  19. Allow me to add my congratulations to the winner and runners up too!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Congratulations to all the winners!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Darn, I missed out!
    Congrats All Round the shorts . . .
    I must pay more attention, 'where have I been?'

    ReplyDelete
  22. Congratulations to the winners :-) . We are most dissapionted in Mr IVD's acceptance speech , we were expecting tears and gushing :-(

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dear MsScarlet ... how do I say it without being rude?
    WOuld you ... could you ... *blush* ... imagine, toy with the idea to ... to write a new post?
    There I saied it! Ach, I feel better now. But will you still find me worth an answer?

    ReplyDelete
  24. ....but it's still raining. I will try to post tomorrow, Mr Mags.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  25. There's a garden party for the Queen at Stormont on Wednesday. And guess what? The weather forecast is lots of rain....

    ReplyDelete
  26. The moment Mrs Windsor left the country, the heavens opened and there was torrential rain and the worst flooding for decades....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Nick, it is now a month on and the rain still hasn't stopped :-(
      Sx

      Delete
  27. Hello, Mr Logs... I feel like I am drowning!
    I am about to move to Somerset... and am a little stressed. We all need some cheering up, don't we?
    Does anyone know how i can put some DVD footage of myself on this blog? It's a homage to the Rolling Stones, which I had recorded some years ago. Embarrassing for me, but I feel it would raise our blogging spirits.
    I'm going to regret typing this, but if anyone can help me I will share my blushes.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  28. you could publish it on YouTube and then link to your own footage...(I know that strictly goes against the principles of YouTube – i.e. ripping other peoples work off...but I’m sure if you don’t tell yourself that you are doing it yoy will probably get away with it....)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh dear, it'll have to be something more simple than that Mr Logs....
      Do you know, I was completely sober when I left the comment about the DVD.... which is worrying.
      Sx

      Delete
  29. So why do we need to raise our blogging spirits? What's eating Ms Scarlet?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've had a dreadful week, Nick, and I have a hunch that it will only get more dreadful.
      Plus I'm moving on 26th July.
      Sx

      Delete
  30. Honeybunny, kick the dread, whatever it is.
    Take care of yerself!

    We all here are waiting for you, whatever it takes, we all want MsScarlet to re-surface - and if there is any possibility to help MsScarlet to blow up I'm sure a lot of fellas will stand ready - or sumpthing ... ever tried dread locks? 26th is far away, why worry? Ah' come on, movin' -that's just another one-morning thing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, bless you, it's all the paperwork and logistics that are getting to me... and this unstoppable rain...
      Sx

      Delete
  31. I found only "Scarlet Town", but don't know whether you'll like it ... or if it fits ... I am sory for causing any " unangebrachte motiones ... and would like to see you come back and kicking ... I guess you are not alone here, MsScarlet

    ReplyDelete
  32. rain ... smile my dear, good for the roses or something ...

    ReplyDelete
  33. Rumours of Miss Scarlets recent antics have surfaced on my latest post

    ReplyDelete
  34. The big fat moving day comes closer and closer - how do you feel in the eye of the hurricane, MsScarlet?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh dear ... my sympathy ... tired is understandable with boxes and paperwork you mentioned, but why teary? Don't you want to move? Is it something you do regularily - like Ponita - or do you prefer the stabilitas loci? A German Sprichwort says: Dreimal umziehen ist wie einmal abbrennen (roughly: Moving three times equals burning down one time), so dry your tears, you have still two chances open!
      How is it about your studio, are all the nibs in their boxes, everything stored carefully?

      Delete
  35. Something to cheer you up, MsScarlet - if you choose to download the pdf, it's 12 MB.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Are you delivered to the right address, MsScarlet? Did the movers drop the china? Is it still raining? Questions abound ...

    ReplyDelete
  37. How did you see inside my life...this way is forward. My kids just had a long discussion with their Grandpa when they told him recycling was the one in the back. "Which Back?" he said. Such a stirling gene pool.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I am knackered, but I spent today catching up with the blogs, and I feel much better for it.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  39. Nice to see you on my blog. Sorry you are cream crackered though. Don't work too hard!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Hi Scarlet!

    I hope you're feeling much better now and that things are going well. First off, a very Belated Congratulations on a Wonderful Green Elf Shorts Competition-and Belated Congratulations to Mr Devine. Second, I hope that you're all settled in now and that the rains have at least replenished the local water supply and helped the plants grow. Third, I hope there aren't too many tourists causing trouble in your neck of the woods. Finally, I hope you get to enjoy some of the Olympic festivities (or at least get a giggle when you see clueless tourists wandering about, doing silly things).

    Best wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  41. EROSWINGS!


    Kurie eleison!

    CARAMBA!

    ReplyDelete