Friday, 28 October 2011

And now a bit of peace and quiet....

I am now on my extended blogging break. I have taken the previous post down cos it really wasn't very nice. Anyhow, I am often asked for tips on successful blogging and I always say:

1) Be involved, but don't get TOO involved.

2) Always wear kitten heeled sling-backs that go clacketty-clack over the cobbles.

If only I'd stuck to both these tips then all would be well now.

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Real Blog Revelations....

I closed my blog because of Dave East. Since 2009, I strongly believe that he has been masquerading as a female blogger called 'Jane P'. We, meaning me, Rog, Zoe, Macy, and Roses worked this out Sunday night/Monday morning... after hell of a lot of detective work. As Jane P, We believe Dave pretended to be a young woman who had had several cancer scares. Kaz and I were two of Jane's commenters.
Dave was also a commenter, and I was led to believe that he offered Jane help and support through her difficult times. I thought highly of Dave because he had been so caring and supportive of Jane.
Recently, Macy asked me whether she should go on a blog meet with Dave and without hesitation I reassured her that Dave was a kind and caring individual... I also told her how wonderful he had been with Jane.... but now it turns out that Dave was Jane all along...

The Jane blog has now been deleted, but I feel rather soiled by the whole thing. And livid, as I totally believed that I was commenting on a blog of a young lonely woman who was afraid of being diagnosed with cancer. Jane also used to write about how lovely Scarlet was... and about how wonderful Dave was... and that Dave and Scarlet should really get married and live happily ever after - no Dave, that was never ever going to happen.

In Dave's defence, he does suffer from debilitating illness and he is lonely, but this does not give him the right to con other bloggers. I was quite fond of Dave, he was one of my most regular visitors. He does have the capacity to be very witty and entertaining. I don't believe he set out to deliberately hurt anyone and he is very afraid of his deteriorating health. Perhaps he couldn't say this as Dave. One of Jane's most poignant lines was simply: I'm scared and alone.
And now, because of all this he probably feels even more scared and alone. Something that does not sit well with me.

If Kaz was here today I'm sure she would be pissing herself laughing, she might even suggest that Dave should stay in touch with his feminine side and that he should make a huge comeback as Jaunty Jane the nubile nun from Norfolk... then at least we wouldn't have to read all the dreary cricket posts.

I am still feeling rather shaken by this incident and will be taking an extended blogging break; I think I should move on now and chalk it up to experience.

This is for Macy, Roses, Rog and Zoe. Dave's theme:

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

An Astonishing Thought

I have had an atstonishing thought and have decided to share it here before I forget. You know how people get good and grumpy about the grocer's apostrophe, i.e the apostophe that belongs to the grocer... well, I feel that this grumpiness is unfounded.
This is how the grocer's apostrophe works:-

Me to Grocer: Good Sir, how much are your finest cauliflowers?

Grocer [originally from South East London]: Cauliflower IS £5.50 each, luv, d'ya wanna feel?

If we think about this grocer's linguistic tendencies, then signage saying 'Cauliflower's £5.50' etc, would be quite correct. Wouldn't it?

I have no idea how much cauliflowers cost, btw, or whether they need to be felt. AND, perhaps I ought to keep my thoughts to myself in future...?

Saturday, 15 October 2011

Blog Revelations - REVEALED!!!!!

Oh for pity's sake, Jimmy is not Mapstew, Mapstew is not Jimmy. Daphne Wayne-Bough IS an incredibly posh lady from Kensington who pretends to live in Belgium. Gorilla Bananas IS really a panda. Scarlet Blue IS not ginger. Madame Defarge IS a florist in Iceland - no, not that Iceland - I mean the one in the shopping mall in Nork Rise, Surrey. Mrs Pouncer DOES live in a flat above a chip shop... but not in Reading... it's in BASILDON. Dave East IS Benny Hill's younger brother - which explains a lot, I think. Ponita IS Canadian. And a nurse. Macy IS Scottish. MJ DOES like young men with clothes on. Mr Beastie isn't actually that keen on bananas, but can do tricks with a cucumber and a wet flannel. Roger Peacock IS Ian McShane. Mr Scurrilous IS scurrilous. Pearl IS a pearl. Mr LX DOES have large candy. Mr Mags DOES have a large brain, although in a foreign language. Roses only drinks tea and her dressing gown is baby blue AND it is not fluffy. Princess IS an excellent seamstress and finally, Pat DOES have a lovely new sofa.

Of course, I may have got some of this wrong, but really, does any of this matter? Just so long as we  can exchange comment over a cup of tea and a biscuit, does it matter?

I doubt anyone is reading this blog anymore, but here's a tune to relieve me of my headache just in case there is.

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Whatever Happened to Baby Scarlet....?

 ...or Shrek... no matter, there has been a terrible, terrible incident... whilst driving Mr Beastie home from his washing up duties at Cafe C, I stopped and instructed him to get out of the car to open the palatial gates to the manor house where we both reside [he in the cellar and me in the penthouse apartment - there is no funny business going on here]... and lo... tragedy struck! I accidentally put my foot on the accelerator instead of the brake...  and I ran him over. I reversed... then shot forward... reversed... shot forward... etc, etc, you get the picture....  Poor Mr Beastie now has a lightly sprained wrist and will have to spend the rest of his days in a wheelchair.... and much, much worse than this is that Mr Beastie was clutching Mr C's Golden Pussy to his bosom in a protective manner at the time of the accident and now the ornamental statue is in bits and pieces all over our gravel driveway. I have tried superglue, but Mr Beastie still can't wiggle his fingers.

Other news: I am having a lot of bother commenting on blogs with embedded comment boxes, so apologies if I have failed to hack my way into your box. I think this is a glitch on my pc rather than anything to do with Blogger.

Any more news? Teeth woes ongoing... erm... World financial meltdown.... Global unrest.... no, can't say there's anything new....